Thursday, August 21, 2008

Spin Class; The Instructors, and Denizens of

As I noted in my last post, I have been attending spin class at pure fitness, and let me tell you, it's a trip.

First off, it is freakin hard. It might be because I never did any spin classes or workouts in my lead up to IMLP, it might be because I have done nothing since LP but drink beer (as of today, I can't remember the last time a day passed where I haven't had a drink - or three - its easily been over 2 weeks) , or simply put, because spinning on a stationary bike in a hot ass room with psycho instructors just isn't easy. Let me explain.

Me

Within the first 5 minutes of class, I am already drenched in sweat. I mean, it's like I am doing yoga in 105 degree temps like this guy (whom I trying to emulate the theme of this post after). I look around, and although I am not exactly laboring, being the only guy dripping 5 minutes into class is just odd. After another 5 minutes, I have already questioned why I do this voluntarily during my off season - in addition to questioning my sanity. I mean seriously, who needs to hurt this much after only 10 minutes, when I have another 50 to go. Usually about 1 second after 10 minutes, my towel, which is used to wipe sweat off my face, is already worthless because it is drenched - from wiping my face, and the amount of sweat dripping from my face. I could easily solve the socal drought problem through desalination of my sweat.

Denizens

As anyone who has done a spin class knows that no matter how hard you concentrate, you look around, and you look around at other people to see the look on their faces, especially during the hard sets. That is, when I don't have sweat dripping into my eye balls. Anyhow, there is usually an ample amount of personalities - let me explain:
  • Clueless Young Girl: a girl in her early twenties who goes to spin class to be in shape - nothing wrong with that, right? Except she has no water, no towel, and hasn't even attempted to move her seat around, which means she literally BOUNCES with every pedal stroke. Oh yeah, she obviously has never heard of sports bra before, but I am not complaining.

  • Type A Triathlete: This guy obviously lives his life under stress, trains to reduce stress, but is so stressed about his training, it only adds to his stress. You should see him during class - he looks at everyone as if they are going to pass him ... on a stationary bike. I am thinking to myself "Bro, this is NOT a race!" and I almost want to say to him "ON YOUR LEFT!!!" to see if it could dare break his concentration and grilling.

  • No sweat girl: WTF, thats all I gotta say. This woman is easily 40 years old, works just as hard as I do, and only glistens on her forehead. I mean, I probably have more sweat on any given hair follicle on my calf than she has on her entire body.

  • Scared to sweat woman: This woman spends her life not working, watching wives of OC, or whatever stupid show I would never watch. She walks into class with those stupid big ass sunglasses, and everyone is like "You aren't outside honey - stop looking like a freakin idiot". Once class starts, its obvious that this woman didn't come here to work. I don't think her cadence ever gets over 30. The instructor might yell "ok, two more turns to increase resistance", and this women will go two full turns - easier. Afterwards, its guaranteed that she will pat her forehead with a silk cloth, and say "wow, that was great!". Shut up.

Instructors.


A different breed of human - no doubt.

The first time I went to spin, the guy there had done two IM's, so he kinda "got it". He wasn't psycho or anything, he just wanted to do a hard workout, which I am all about. Definitely a cool guy too.

The second time I went to class, the instructor was very different. When I walked in, I noticed that he was latin. And I don't have anything against latin people, but he was almost so latin, he came across as ... whats the politically correct way to say it? flaming. Sorry. Immediately, I picked up that this guy is gonna be psycho. Within a few minutes, he started making noises. Now, I want to be clear - I never heard one word out of him - all I heard was noises. Every time we had to switch an interval, all I heard was "EP!". And every time he said EP!, he would make his eyes really big. Another thing he wants you to do is change your hand position on the bars. So every 10-15 seconds, he would say "EP!", make his eyes really big, point at the bars in a very excited manner, with his eyes still big, yells EP! again, and then continue. Meanwhile, his legs are like pistons easily at above 110 rpm for cadence the entire session. EP!

And then tonights instructor - wow. Now, when I go to spin, I go for a leg/cardio workout, not a full body workout. I don't care about doing push ups, yes push ups, on a stationary bike. I don't care about standing out of the saddle with only one hand on the bar, I don't care about target heart rate zones, I don't care about alternating between seating and standing every other second. It also seemed that the higher her heart rate got, the more excited she got, and the louder she yelled. But the thing is, she jacked the music so loud, all I heard was ... nothing except U2's beautiful day and 50 cents in the club. Keep yelling to do push ups hot spin instructor, I am going to keep ignoring you!

But realistically people, it's not all that bad, because there are external motivating factors at spin, which can be compared somewhat to the following video :)

6 comments:

Paul said...

Dude that is some funny shit! Speaking of beer. We should get some! I've been doing my part to drink my fair share ;)

Yah Spin class is like that. Especially in La Jolla. I stopped going to Spin, even though Emilio rocks as a teacher. The class just got nuts, you have to get there early, or reserve a bike. I'm loving my trainer. It just me and I get to pick the music. I don't have much trouble keeping the pace up and there's never a line.

Good job keeping it real. hahaha

seanvert said...

www.realryder.com

jameson said...

dude i hear ya... fitness classes are nuts. Beth conned me into a strength class at 24 hour on tuesday... I think there was at least one of every kind of person you described... oh yeah.. and it kicked my.

i am with paul... let's all get together for come cold ones!

danban said...

next time really yell "on your left" to the type a triathlete and let me know how it goes :0)

LOVED the post btw!

beth said...

awesome post. i love it! i found a new spin class this week and its awesome. the instructor doesn't look too fit (not always a good sign) but she played some AWESOME music- britney, fergie, pink, shitty 90's rap. it was awesome. a good soundtrack is key.

Mark said...

Hilarious post dude, and good to hear that I'm not the only putting down copious amounts of brew :P